"No need to say goodbye." The Call, Regina Spektor

Forgive the emotions... earlier today I finished reading The Ice Man by Haruki Murakami. It's a short story from his Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman book. It's not the book's first story but of course, being deviant, I skipped right to The Ice Man and read it first. So yeah, again, I apologize for the emotions. I blame the story. It melted down whatever's left of my "ice cold exterior".

Our Lady of Lourdes

There was a halogen light pointing straight at us, haha.

I came from Tagaytay today with my family. Went to church since it is my brother's birthday today (and was my birthday few days ago). Happy birthday to us. I used to always love going to Tagaytay but apparently, I don't anymore. Not that it doesn't please me, I guess it really is like this. Just like what Katy Perry says, "Comparisons are easily done once you've had a taste of perfection. Like an apple hanging from a tree, I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed." That's how I see Tagaytay now, having gone from Sagada few months ago. But oh, there was a rainbow today! And it was actually my first time to see a Full Rainbow. It was so pretty. Check out the photo I took.

I did minor photo manipulation to emphasize the beautiful rainbow.

Anyway, probably it's the coffee (I had Starbucks Creme Brulee Macchiato, warm) but the ride home was pretty emotional. I found myself thinking of someone... it was so moving. I had to catch up to redeem myself.

To add insult to injury, I got home to Regina Spektor's The Call playing. My tito was watching Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian movie. It was already the last scene I believe. The Call was playing. It reminded me of so many things--and mind you, I'm a very forgetful person, but with the song, it all came back to me. The memory of her called me.

It was like getting sucked into a vortex. Blogging about it, fyi, is my way of putting myself back together. The vortex detour misplaced so many little parts of me.

(Check out the wonderful The Call cover by Kinna Grannis below--I love the cute drawing shown at the beginning of the video! Check out her Youtube channel, okay? She's awesome! Plus, so weird. She reminds me of... me! haha Team kulot! Maybe I should learn to play the guitar and make Youtube videos too!)

Sometimes I remember her and I get carried away with my thoughts. Sometimes I imagine myself in a different life, living in the familiar past but making very different decisions. I always return to a particular afternoon which a huge part of me considers as a "could've led to a life-changing evening". The memory of her has this really strong pull. It's like my emotions are the little droplets of water that forms the ocean; while she is the moon. I get wave after wave of flashbacks and wishful thinking until I end up on shore, castaway without anyone to spell S.O.S. to. 

I remember, I called you right before my favorite scene of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind started. Er, okay, I did put it on pause so I can call you and ask you to "watch with me". Damn, I can't even remember if that really happened or if it's just something I wished I did.

I remember you told me you have the most beautiful view of the moon from your room's veranda. I teased you about having your own terrace. We forgot about the moon that night.

I remember you walked slow when we walk together. Or was it I walked slow when we walk together? I'm not so sure... all I remember is us walking together. We used to walk together.

I remember your hands were so cold. You held my leg, you thought I'd be surprised. I looked at you with disdain, like, "who the hell is this person trying to surprise me?!" I remember seeing your face, that "I've got a plan face". I laughed so hard not because you were so funny thinking you could startle me like that. I laughed so hard because I was so happy. You acted like a kid, around me. That was so rare. In fact, as far as I can remember, it happened only once.

I remember you were telling me about your likes and dislikes. We were talking. I was pretending I was listening. Half of the time I had no idea about the things you like, or dislike. It made me feel so stupid and naive. Half of the time, I was just so mesmerized by you.

I remember you told me I looked beautiful. One time, we were having coffee, I was talking to you; I can't remember what I was talking about because word after word I get more nervous. The attention you were giving me was so sincere--not to mention intense. I can still remember how you were looking deep into my eyes to the point that I think I didn't even have to say a word to reveal my soul. You had this smile, I think you noticed I put too much glitter on my lids that day. You were staring at me. You were smiling. I think you knew how you were making me nervous. Then you told me I was beautiful.

I feel... I feel like I miss her. I feel like I need to see her smile again. They say it's a small world but how could it be? The sky is so big... not a single star tonight.

-K-

Pick a star and follow the light. Please comment about my quoted text. Which "I remember" story did you like the most?