Dear 2010,

I know it's a little early for this but you know what they say, when the moment gets you, seize it.

If I would have to write a letter addressed to circa 2010, I would have to begin with this: f*ck you. I say that with both angst and sarcasm. F*ck you 2010 for being so difficult! F*ck you 2010 for being so f*ckin' amazin' -- yeah, I'm trying on someone else's shoes right there.

Back to being me, seriously, f*ck you 2010 for being a test of faith, character, will, and anything else that can be tested. Oh, and thank you. Thank you for letting this f*ck up stand before you, bid you goodbye, with glory forming in my eyes and lessons stuck between my toes. If I would have to sum up this year, though I know there's still a month and a half left, I would have to come up with a sum that is an understatement. This year had been a blast, and I am still zooming away. I feel like I'm closer to the stars, or at least I feel hopeful enough to shine as one.

I met so many people this year and even if I didn't get to know many of them in a personal level, I'm sure technology and The Universe will not fail me. Those who I'm meant to build stronger ties with, I'm sure our paths would cross again; and for those who were fated to just be brief encounters of my humble mortal life, thank you for the seconds we've shared.

Among many things, I am most thankful for what this year provided me: the opportunity to prove myself, to me. 

Sometimes I feel like such an odd ball. :) 

I am really happy and thankful that the person that I concluded I was (was and still am becoming) is really the kind of person who I ought to be, want to be, and am right now. A few days ago, my friends from college started this private thread on Facebook asking a very personal question which sought nothing less than an honest answer. Two years after college, are you happy?


If my friends from that thread is reading this, maybe they have noticed that I didn't answer. I'm still not answering. I am happy, for many many reasons, but I think that question pertains to a certain kind of happiness, the type that can be considered as a really close cousin of contentment. And I'm afraid my answer might be a child of "No." No. 


A part of me is ashamed that I am not "happy". I am blessed in so many ways other people can only imagine. Those things, I am grateful for. I hope nobody misinterprets my being "unhappy" as ungratefulness but who am I to lie to myself when I'm alone in a room in front of a glaring laptop screen which poses a question so dreadful it required drafts (in my head) just to come up with a decent answer?

The other part? The other part is thankful that I am still not contented. I'd be damned if I were. I mean, there's got to be more to what I can do than the things I was able to accomplish the past year (two years after college).

Going through this year is like a dash on a burning charcoal floor: I went by fast. I went by furiously. I ended feeling so much sensation I had to dance feelings/things away. Two years after college, I'm still not contented. I still want more. That makes me happy.

I'm still so young. I have to always want to face a challenge, a new experience and a new opportunity to win over difficult years.

I did this post because the Tweet Screenshot hit me right where I think should be hit today. I felt like I needed to come clean somehow and I think, being thankful for things that "made" you is a noble way of ending a day. Good night everybody. Let's make each day count.

Be wonderful.

-K-

On a lighter note, I'm hosting a year-ender giveaway! Please join! Very easy. All you have to do is answer this question: What are you most thankful for this year? Post your answers (each thankful note is one entry--to encourage the act of being grateful) on my Facebook Wall here. Looking forward to reading your answers! For more details on the giveaway, read this.