Another year went by and what a year we have now!

Hello Sunshine! It has been forever since I wrote on this blog, and I think every single time I try, I feel derailed because I don't quite understand what I am using this blog for. This used to be an escape, a place where I document my efforts at chasing beautiful things; however, life just started to happen and then next thing you know, it's not all beautiful anymore. 

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Calm before the storm 🙏🏼

A post shared by ᴋᴜᴍɪᴋᴏ ᴍᴀᴇ (@kumikomae) on Mar 13, 2020 at 11:01pm PDT

Truth be told, I don't recognise this space anymore. Sometimes, I deny the feeling of having outgrown this little bubble. Being a queen of compartmentalising, I have created smaller and smaller bubbles to escape in, some of which I don't think I would ever share to anyone. Those little bubbles serve their purpose every now and then, but what I learned through the process is that you can truly lose yourself when you fragment your feelings, so eloquently, like I hate to admit, that I did.

Few days ago, I got my annual email from google saying it's my blog's renewal. I find it so amusing learning how long I've kept this domain. I feel like this site is like a horcrux of sorts that keeps past lives alive. I'm not super sure how I feel about that! But I'd love to bring myself to a mind space where I would not feel regret over those past lives. I think regret is such a dangerous feeling to take with you, no matter the serving. 

If you go through my planner this year, you would find I have psyched myself to write on this blog since January, but I never did. I don't remember why. I sometimes feel so estranged to my own feelings these days, mostly because this whole Covid thing that disrupted the world made it easier to discount certain emotions--all filed under coping.

So, in celebration of yet another year of having this humble space online, I want to take the baby steps in reclaiming or at least figuring out what is beautiful to me--now. Over a decade ago, I decided I will create this space so I don't miss out in recognising the beauty in all my experiences. The most recent version of me definitely forgot all about that so I want to apologise to young me because well, hiding way too deep, I thought I was saving myself but gosh darn, I think much of the damage was self-inflicted.

So, here's a song to hopefully help take you out of any brand of darkness you might be in. I feel like it's such a hard time to just be happy these days. There's so much worry just waiting out the door, but if you can, please don't retreat so much, or if it really can't be helped, don't take into hiding for too long.

This too shall pass. Give yourself every chance you can get at happiness.